Finally Finding Myself


A very overly-enthused hello today because I’ve been absent for about a week now and I really have missed talking to myself you all on here!

I have been posting my Boob Vlogs, so of course you  know where I’ve been if you’ve seen those. Other than recovering from surgery, I’m back at work now for the second day and although my back is killing me and it feels like little gorillas are trying to escape my chest, it’s not so bad. I’m definitely still trying to adjust and be PATIENT (not working) because full recovery will likely take me a year given my size, the implant size, how tight/strong my pecs apparently were, and just the mere fact that I always seem to have the not so great side effects of everything. Including medicine–my pain meds did NOT work the first day and I had to get a new one. Now, the antibiotics that I’m on are making me stay up all night sweating, with my heart racing, thinking I’m about to die. Also, even one week post op I’m still holding on to tons of fluid and extremely bloated which I feel like should have been peed out by now. BUT ANYWAY.

Movin’ on from the boob stuff.

Lately I feel like I’m finally finding myself (I realize this makes it sound like it’s as a result of the boob job, but it’s not) and it feels good. I’m not overly satisfied with my job (shocker) but I’ve been working hard to really put myself out there and find a social media managing job that is more flexible. (AKA, a remote job.)

I’m so thrilled to be graduating in less than two months because school is stressing my the heck out right now. I see a bright future for myself in the grand scheme of things, despite the fact that the present moment is often my worst enemy.

I’m so happy with Jarrett and can’t wait for the day we get to finally get married, buy a house, and have tiny little devil children. (They’re going to be the worst. So sassy and so sarcastic. I cannot wait.)

Pre-boob job, I was really enjoying lifting and eating lots and seeing myself gain weight, get stronger, and appreciate it. (Still eatin’ lots, but can’t lift for 4-5 more weeks.)

Anyway, the point of this post is that the time I spent in college was only 3.5 years and I made more changes in that time than ever before in my whole life. I even look like a completely different human now–I’ve changed my hair more times than I can count. Freshman year is honestly a blur, sophomore year I met the love of my life, junior year I gained 25 pounds and a whole lot of strength, and senior year (if you can consider it that) I worked full time & went to school full time. I thought I had myself figured out after high school and that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m sure in 4 more years I’ll laugh at this post because things will be so so different, but for now I feel content and like I’m finally finding myself.

I’m someone who doesn’t care anymore when people say mean or thoughtless things about me. The only time I encounter that is online, because it’s so hard to judge someone based off of social media or even reading their blog! There’s so much more to a person than the online world. So much.  In real life, people don’t really do that–at least, not toward me. I try to be kind to everyone and go out of my way to do special things for people because I seriously enjoy it.

I’m someone who doesn’t consider myself to have an eating disorder anymore. I know it’s odd because you won’t find anywhere that says mental recovery can come before physical–but in a way I think that’s how it happened for me. It’s physically hard for me to gain weight. I still believe it is 9000% more challenging to get the mental part down, but the order in which it happened has been different for me personally.

I’m someone who loves to write, dance, be artistic, and stretch. I like being outside and taking walks but I won’t say no to cuddling on the couch. I love going home to visit my family, play with my nieces and see my best friends.

I’m someone who loves fashion, makeup, and hair but doesn’t have much time to pursue those things aside from admittedly dressing really cute and occasionally putting on my face. 🙂

I love ice cream. I hate kale. Get it away from me. Unless it’s mixed in with something like potatoes or butter, get it the heck away from me.

I love to ramble. I don’t shut up. Never have, never will. I was a straight A student my whole life but the one complaint every teacher had about me was that I needed to shut the heck up. In my relationship with Jarrett I would venture to guess that literally 97% of the words exchanged between us have come out of my mouth. And I like it that way. If he talked a lot I would not be about that life.

I love to daydream. I’m always daydreaming. Okay, I have ADD but I actually just think I have daydreaming super powers at all times of the day.

I’m independent, hardworking, and intelligent. I can read people well, and I have common sense.

I’m also way too stubborn, at times, close-minded, and awful at anything involving numbers.

I’m finding myself, but more importantly, I think, I’m accepting myself.

Talk to me:

Is there anything about you that you find hard to accept?

Tell me 3 things you love about yourself.

Thoughts on kale: ready, go.



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