Happy Sunday night. I had the day off from work (much needed) so I went to church with Jarrett, worked legs, then did tons of grocery shopping and errands that had been neglected due to working so much for the past week.
Tomorrow I have work, two interviews, and a nighttime boudoir shoot. (Oooh, scandalous.) I’ll get into that later–for all those of you asking about why I’m suddenly modeling and are scared for my mental and phsyical health.
The thing I want to talk about today is something that I’ve learned this past summer. I learned that you really can’t plan your life.
I don’t mean just to wing everything and to never take time to set goals and such…allow me to explain.
I spent my entire life since I was about five years old thinking that I want to be a news anchor when I “grow up.” I’ve focused my entire college career on broadcast journalism, and when I graduate in December it will be with a Bachelor’s degree in Journalism. I’ve set my sights, heart, and soul on that dream and never even considered a different career path.
This summer I worked as a lifeguard, a sales agent, a receptionist, a social media manager, a brand ambassador, a freelance writer/blogger, and I’ve been doing Youtube and (now) modeling on the side. I’ve hopped around jobs more this summer than ever before in my life because I’ve been searching for the thing that I really am good at and enjoy. Why? Because I don’t want to be a news anchor anymore.
The idea of it sounded great, it looked fun, and I’ve been told I have the “face for television.” However, the months prior to summer I was able to dip my toes in the water of the broadcast journalism world, and I learned that I really do not want that for my life. At all.
At the beginning of the summer when I came to this realization it scared the crap out of me. I convinced myself that I would continue on the broadcast path anyway simply to justify my degree, my life plan, and to make those around me happy. That gave me extreme anxiety.
So, after the past 3 months of “job-hopping” (and annoying Jarrett and my parents because to them it looks like I just can’t commit) I have realized that you really can’t plan your life.
I hated lifeguarding. Oh my gosh, I hated it. I did it for two summers and I’m so done with it.
I hated being a sales agent. I morally could not justify selling something (timeshares, in this case) to people by being sneaky and not giving them all of the information. My boss LITERALLY got mad at me one day for being honest to a couple instead of tiptoeing around the truth to make a sale. Morally, sales is not for me.
I’m currently still in the role of receptionist/social media manager and that’s fine for now. I’m also doing brand marketing/ambassador jobs on the side (last week I worked as a Baskin Robbins model and it was basically awesome because free ice cream.)
I still write freelance for various publications, and I obviously still make videos on Youtube. Those are just little side income things that I do because I like to.
Now, you may have noticed if you follow me on Instagram or are friends with me on Facebook that I’ve been doing some modeling. A lot of you are concerned that this is going to affect my recovery negatively, and I totally understand that concern! Jarrett told me the same thing. However, it’s really not. Quite the opposite, actually. I’m happy to inform you all that I’m V-E-R-Y close to the magical three digit number AKA 100 pounds. The goal is to get there by my birthday, and I am going to do it!
The modeling is paid and I’m doing it to earn and save money. I’m not going to do it forever, or probably much longer. I do enjoy it and like seeing the results of the shoots I do. It’s also great to have shots for my portfolio and to work on building my brand which I really want to start doing more.
Okay…the point of all that? The point is that this summer taught me that no, I don’t want to be a news anchor…but I really like working with social media. I like doing freelance work. I like a schedule that’s constantly changing and not mundane. I don’t like working for “the man.” I like working for myself, but also getting to work for a different company every week by being a brand ambassador for a marketing company. I like modeling and I like making weird videos on Youtube and talking to you guys. I love checking my email in the morning and responding to your recovery or life related questions.
I may not have figured out what my “career” will be, but right now I’m doing a lot of different things that I consider to be fun and rewarding. I may be the busiest person I know, but I really don’t like routine.
It’s okay that I decided that I don’t want to be a news anchor, after all. No one is forcing me to do it. My degree will open doors for me and I will find that perfect fit. For now, I’m enjoying being a receptionist/social media manager/freelancer/ambassador/ice cream princess. I like hats, so I will wear them all. ALL OF THE HATS. GIVE ME THEM.
The moral of this word vomit is to not get so fixated on something in your life that it starts to make you sick. Things don’t always (read: usually don’t) go the way that you see them in your pretty little head. And that’s okay. You just gotta roll with the punches and react accordingly. Maybe you don’t know what to do with your life and that scares you, but maybe you should let it excite you because the opportunities are literally endless. Maybe I’ve just rambled a lot and made little to no sense. Either way, I’m going to go eat a pint of ice cream.
Talk to me:
What’s your major/degree in?
Do you think I am wearing an annoying number of hats?
Choose: Snickerdoodle or Cookies ‘n Creme? (I can’t decide on ice cream. Help.)