Extreme Hunger in Anorexia Recovery

Hi humans.

Rarely do I ever write a post and then hit publish straight away, but I’m about to do that.

(I’m not even going to proofread this so I apologize if my grammar sucks or this makes no sense. I just need a little vent.)

I dealt with extreme hunger after about 3 weeks of hitting 3000 calories at the beginning of my recovery. This extreme hunger lasted a couple of weeks and then went away.

Well, it’s back. Why? I have no idea. I thought my body was past that point but it’s not. I’ve been eating about 3500 calories during the day, and then after dinner eating anywhere from 3000-6000 (I don’t count.)

I don’t know why it’s back but it sucks and it’s hard and it’s triggering. I’m trying to remind myself that it’s absolutely reactive eating and not binging. My body is trying to repair and although it’s been 8 months now almost of eating anywhere from 3000-6000 (and some days more) calories a day, apparently my body is crying out for more again.

This is weird to me. I know that many recovering from anorexia require high amounts of calories but the thing is I haven’t gained a significant amount of weight since the initial gain of about 20 pounds. I’m still a low weight and I still am eating so much and it’s so damn scary when you have to take out your trash can every single morning because it’s filled with cartons of ice cream, wrappers, and empty bags.

It’s scary. I feel disgusting.

I don’t know. I just needed to vent. I just consumed 3500 calories in the past hour in the form of ice cream, Poptarts, granola bars, chocolate, and more. This is a nightly thing for me, too. And it’s SCARY.

But then the next morning I wake up and look the same. And while that’s a relief, it’s also very frustrating. If I’m going to do the work and eat the food I would at least like to get the weight gain over with rather than live with the guilt for so long. You know? I don’t know. On one hand it’s “cool” to eat so much and not gain weight but on the other hand I NEED to gain weight and I feel 5,000 pounds at the end of the day so I almost wish I could just gain the weight back and be done.

Sorry this is such a cluster fudge. I just had to vent a bit. I have been eating so much at night–maybe because I’m gone all day and I finally get to relax at night and so I just eat. I don’t know. I just don’t like extreme hunger. And it’s not like I’m restricting throughout the day! I’m eating like normally (a lot) and this STILL happens. I would rather have the weight come back on and be able to eat normally than deal with this. It would just be easier. And my farts wouldn’t threaten to kill Oscar every night.

Goodnight.

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5 thoughts on “Extreme Hunger in Anorexia Recovery

  1. Ughhh. I know how frustrating and uncomfortable extreme hunger/reactive eating is – sorry to hear you’re going through another phase of it. It sounds like you’re doing the exact right thing by listening to it and eating, though. I have always thought the beginning of your recovery was a perfect example of how quickly the horrible bloat/weight gain/extreme hunger period can be over with if you just give in to the process and straight up EAT. I’m sure if you just keep doing what you’re doing, this EH period will be over in no time. Thanks for the update, Annie!

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  2. I feel for you girl, and my best reply is to just listen to it, don’t ignore it, although it IS scary – because I’m going through it too- your body is right, your ED thoughts are wrong!
    I receny just started and I was shocked how quickly when I started raising my calories how much my reactive hunger set in and how fast my body is telling me it wants more more more! I just don’t know where to start! And then I start to feel scared – but I’ve been getting better at calming mysf down at meal/snack times – reassuring myself I will give it what it needs.
    Just keep trucking girl, I think this was a perfect time for you to vent, we’re here to empathize and understand!!
    Xo

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  3. It is so frustrating to feel like we can’t trust our bodies! I’ve been there – I’m there fairly often actually, and you’re right. It DOES suck. But you are absolutely doing the right thing by feeding your body. Keep up the amazing, hard work! If you trust your body it will trust you!

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