I Miss When It Was Easier.

I miss when the only kind of heartache was getting left out of a game of tag during recess.

I miss when the hardest decision in the day was whether to have Cheez-its or Corn Nuts after school.

I miss when the only concern about putting on a swimsuit was that the straps sometimes dug into my shoulders.

I miss when playing house meant there were no bills to pay, floors to clean or cupboards to stock.

I miss when the only anxiety I had was separation anxiety from my mom while at preschool.

I miss when the words ‘calorie’, ‘fat’, ‘carbs’, and ‘abs’ were not a part of my vocabulary, and certainly not in my brain dictionary.

I miss when going to the grocery store meant a free cookie and a ride on the cart.

I miss when I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup or show my tummy.

I miss when I didn’t want to take a nap because I was always energized–never tired.

I miss when I didn’t know all of the evil and corruption in the world.

I miss when I played outside for hours every day because I didn’t have anything to worry about besides fun.

I miss when I got into bed at night excited to wake up the next morning…every night.

I miss when I didn’t compare myself to anyone and I didn’t obsess over every aspect of my physical being.

I miss when my imagination was the only entertainment I needed.

I miss when I loved life and loved myself.

I miss when it was easier, and I wish I would have realized how great my life was before it was not.

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9 thoughts on “I Miss When It Was Easier.

  1. bad days happen, love. but remember how far you’ve come. you are a freaking warrior and will not let ed ruin your life. think about all the new and exciting things the future has for you. things may never 100% be the way they were before ED, but they will get easier. and better. and brighter. There is so much in store for you. keep fighting xoxo

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  2. I am so sorry you’re going through a rough time. Please know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk or rant. You are one of my biggest role models, and it pains me to know you’re struggling right now. I hope things improve soon. ❤ ❤

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  3. I think this too– we all do. And it hurts because we can’t go back, but that sometimes can help too. Just knowing that you can’t go back; you have right now. Years from now you will look back at this time and regret all of the extra energy put into thinking about carbs and fat and shit and you will regret the not appreciating the good right now. That’s not to say you’re not gracious because I KNOW you are. And I know you are going through a really tough time. Out loud, say all of the good things in your life to yourself no matter how small. Things have been easier but things have been hard too. In the future, things will be hard but things will also be easier. That’s just how life is. Just know you will get through this and things will be easy again. Not the same type of easy, but maybe even better. Please stay strong.

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  4. Pretty much every thought in my mind this entire past week. Had a really bad binge drinking night last night and tried to drown it all out. I miss when alcohol was just for fun and not to deal with my issues. So much relatability in this post though. Hope everything is alright, hang in there ❤️

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  5. Of course you miss things, almost everyone does but you need to realise that life is great now. Think of all the things you do have that other people do not even have the opportunity to receive. Yeah you have to pay bills and clean your house and stock your fridge but at least you can do these things. Yeah you have to work tons of low wage side jobs but at least you have a job. You aren’t laying in a hosipital bed right now or outpatient or a mental facility or even dead. You have so much support around you be thankful for these times and what you have before you loom back and realise you should have been.

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  6. It is so okay to miss the innocence and carelessness we used to possess when it came to life. But change is inevitable. While you have so many more worries now, don’t forget all the growth you have made Annie. There are also so many good things to focus on :).

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