Despite the amount of work and things I need to do right now I am choosing to blog. Ha, story of my life.
Today I was surprised to find out that I won a contest for a whole box of the new Mint Chocolate Chunk Quest Bars! HALLELUJAH!
I already purchased just one single bar from Quest the day that this flavor came out, and it came today. I’m pretty stoked (read: peeing my pants) to try that tonight, and then have a whole box be sent my way. 🙂 [thx Kim.]
(I’ll be sure to do a review for you all because I know you’re dying to know.)
Also, there is a HUGE sale going on over at Campus Protein, and for the next 2 days it’s BOGO. (Buy one, get one free.) Yeah. For real. Why spent 50 bucks when you can spend 25? Really though this deal is completely unheard of…Bodybuilding does a buy one get one 50% off for Cellucor, but NEVER buy one get one free. Go check it out and order some delicious and nutritious stuffs.
Okay, now on to what I really had in mind for today’s post: I won’t be getting straight A’s this semester.
If you know me, you know that straight A’s are something that I have been striving for since letter grades were a thing. I was valedictorian in 8th grade because there were only two students that received straight A’s all of elementary and middle school. We had to write an essay, and I ended up winning. In high school, A’s dictated my existence. In college I didn’t care much at first, but by sophomore year I was determined to keep getting all A’s.
Well, this semester it’s pretty much 95% not going to happen. I have B’s in two of my classes, and I may even end up with three. Surprisingly, I do not care.
This semester wasn’t all about school for me.
It was a week before this semester started that I committed to REAL recovery. That took A LOT. That TAKES a lot. I’ve been coping with gaining 20 pounds in such a short time and trying to fulfill all of my many obligations with that weight (literally) on my shoulders (thighs).
I’ve been dealing with the eating disorder demons whilst trying to live a normal, hectic life and not hibernate. I did not go to hospitalization, residential or even outpatient treatment for my eating disorder.
My doctor told me that in the state I was that it was the only way. I physically couldn’t do it alone–it was too late for that. Well, I did it. I gained the weight and I’m working every day on my own on mental recovery.
I have been working multiple jobs. We’re talking 2 real, in-person jobs as well as 5-6 online jobs.
I have been dancing my butt off (which counts as one of those jobs, but still.) That takes a lot of time and energy between practices, games, and appearances.
I have moved houses twice. Both of these times were accompanied by extremely emotional circumstances that took A LOT of energy from me. I’m still amidst a weird little emotional funk due to some people in my life, and it’s taking a lot from me.
I have accomplished A LOT these past 4 months. I still received a big scholarship despite my lack of dedication to school this semester. Not to say I wasn’t dedicated, actually–I think I only missed two classes the whole semester. But not crazy uptight as usual.
I’ve grown a lot inside (and out) as a person and learned so SO much about myself. In these past 4 months I’ve felt more like myself than I have all of college. I discovered who I am and who I am NOT. I’ve made peace with my real wants and desires and learned that I would rather stay in with my weiner dog and boyfriend than go out and be crazy. I’ve weeded out so many people who did not belong in my life; I invited more people that do belong in my life into my life.
I’ve made money blogging and using YouTube, and those are two things that I would do for free. I started bevulnerablehavejoy.com, and since then I’m overwhelmed by all of the messages, support and love I receive daily. You know how great it feels to have people come up to you and tell you that something YOU wrote changed their life? Or that YOU inspired them to recover, reach out to someone, or be better? I get chills.
So this semester, I’m not going to get teary-eyed and call my mom in a panic because I have an 88.9% in my Communication class, so I have to ace the final essay to pass. Nope. I’m going to say that even if I do get 3 B’s–heck, even if I get all 6 B’s, I’m going to be okay because in all honesty it’s amazing that I didn’t fail out of school this semester with everything I had on my plate.
I’m okay with being “above average” instead of “far above average” for a semester. I mean, 4.0s are overrated anyway. Especially for someone who is a senior in college and grades do not even matter anymore. What matters is who you know, and I’ve definitely done my fair share of networking and getting my foot/leg/entire body in the door this semester.
My parents always told me “health is the number one priority for you,” and I was like, “yeah, yeah,” but inside was like *all A’s, six pack, 0% body fat, work work work, then maybe think about health.*
So, I’m satisfied. Happy, even. Health comes first above all else, and I’m not going to beat myself up for not studying harder because I was enjoying a pint of ice cream with my boyfriend. Because ice cream is life.
I’m still graduating in December–a whole year before the rest of my class. I don’t need to put any more pressure on myself than I have the past 3 years.
(I’m graduating early because 1) I’m motivated to start my career, and 2) I feel an inordinate amount of guilt for the money my parents have spent on my education and all along have wanted to get out as fast as possible in order to minimize the financial damage.)
p.s. If I could also go ahead and put out into the universe that I would not mind my bra size switching over to a B, as well, that would be great. I’m fine with a C, too. I don’t want my boobs to be far above average anymore.