a few thoughts, being vulnerable and good links

Hello friends! I haven’t been posting normally the past few days or even week, and that’s because I’ve been quite busy and quite frankly just needed a break from social media and technology…

…this weekend especially. I had a pretty emotional weekend due to some bad news and a few not-so-good instances, and it isn’t the most comforting thing to go on social media to see how “perfect” and happy everyone is..especially with last week being my spring break and all of my friends being on vacation. I won’t lie, it sort of sucks. It doesn’t bother me as much as things like this used to and when I’m happy I don’t care at all, but like I said it was a rough couple of days so I just steered clear of my computer and phone for the most part.

It makes me think about my blog name. Be vulnerable. The majority of people only post their highlights–their best and most exciting (although ironically usually staged) moments on social media. There is so much focus on getting the perfect Instagram photo when friends are hanging out or on vacation that the moment is essentially lost. I’m guilty of it too, but that’s why I try to be real and share all of my ups and downs with you all. I’m a freaking human, and my life is far from perfect. This notion of perfection really affected me during my eating disorder and I would hate to do the same to someone else who happened upon my blog. I want to be vulnerable and show even the awful, gross, sad parts of my life.

Even though I didn’t go on vacation or even visit home this break due to dance and a few other obligations, the break was so much needed and I’m ready to go back to school tomorrow. It’s going to be a busy week again but I’m ready for it. I wasn’t ever bored last week because I had a lot going on but I was out of my usual routine. I miss my friends, too!

Yesterday I was able to make an appearance for the Aces at opening day of a little league division and it was so adorable. After that I had practice and the rest of the day was spent dog parking, food shopping and food prepping. This morning Jarrett and I took the dogs on a FOUR HOUR hike and yes, little Oscar made it the whole way. He’s currently passed out on the ground.

It’s about four o’clock and I have to print out a bunch of things because tomorrow I’m facilitating a discussion in my communication class. I need to get that all squared away and prepared.

I’m really excited for baseball games to start and to be dancing at them all. Being up on that dugout is scary but so fun.

I don’t know what posting will look like this week but hopefully I’ll be able to be back to semi-frequent posting. For a while there I had every day going strong but then life got in the way. I start my 5 week class tomorrow, too, on top of my other 5 classes so things are going to be a little crazier even. I also have dance practices and shooting, etc. Wow, my hands are really sweaty.

Anyway, after an emotional weekend it’s nice to just be sitting and doing basically nothing right now. I do need to get to that homework, but right now I don’t want to even think about it.

My recovery has been good. I haven’t been tracking my food as strictly and I may have been under for a couple of days, but honestly I’m good at intuitive eating and I almost feel like it’s okay. I pushed myself for 2 months to eat way more than I was comfortable with and I made great progress. Now I’m enjoying just being free and eating what I want. I do know that with the added exercise I need to add in an ensure, but that’s a pretty easy thing to do. I’m doing pretty well lately..good body image most days and even thinking “wow, I’m still too skinny” most days. Loads different from when I was 20 pounds less and felt huge.

Finally, here are some good ED reads for your Sunday.

I’ll have a latte with a side of guilt

Recovering in a Disordered World

Models & Anorexia?

I was genetically predisposed to this disease. 



2 thoughts on “a few thoughts, being vulnerable and good links

  1. Hopefully things start to look up for you! (Although, it sounds like it’s already started.)
    I’m happy that you are not one of those people who always posts about the positives. Yes, we are all human and we all have our off days. It’s ok to acknowledge that!
    Good for you for continuing to do well in your recovery!


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