today I feel periwinkle

If I had a nickel for the amount of times I have heard someone say, “I feel so fat!” …I could take you all on an all-inclusive Mediterranean cruise and buy you all a new wardrobe from Nordstrom.

I certainly have these moments multiple times a day, and it angers the heck out of me. Logically, I know that fat isn’t a feeling.

Fat is a NOUN.

Just like muscle, tissue, cartilage, and skin.

On a particularly good body-image day am I going to wake up and say, “wow, I feel really muscle today. I feel so cartilage. I’m feeling particularly internal organs today”?

Probably not…

However, fat is also an ADJECTIVE.

Just like thin, funny, tired, and colorful.

Why is it that “fat”, when used as an adjective, is inherently derogatory? Similarly, why is “skinny” taken as a compliment? Why is it something that anyone would strive for?

That chair is blue. That chair is orange.

Now, in this case both blue and orange are being used as adjectives. When you read that sentence, you likely create an image in your mind of a blue chair and an orange chair. Okay, so what?

Well, do you have any feelings about those chairs? Probably not…they’re chairs. Unless you have a chair fetish.

Moving on.

My favorite color happens to be black. No, I’m not depressed/emo/gothic, I just think black is everything. Maybe your favorite color is purple.

Does that mean black is better than purple?? To me–yes, I prefer black. But you prefer purple.

It doesn’t inherently mean that black is better or purple is better, it means that different people prefer different things AND THAT’S OKAY. THAT’S GREAT. There wouldn’t be competition in sports if we didn’t all like different teams.

Is this making sense?

The word FAT is so often used (toward others AND ourselves) with such negativity and disgust. It shouldn’t be this way.

Because…just like purple and black, FAT and SKINNY are simply adjectives that describe the way something is. Some people prefer fat. Some people prefer skinny. Some people don’t care.

By saying you “feel” fat, or even that you “feel” skinny, you are essentially not making any sense. I’ve never “felt” bones or organs. I’ve felt happy. I’ve felt sad. I’ve felt frustrated, and I’ve felt confused. I’ve felt silly, and I’ve felt peaceful. These things I know for sure.

I didn’t wake up this morning feeling periwinkle. Although, that would probably be pretty cool.

I woke up feeling HUNGRY. Hunger is an actual feeling. 

All day long I plan on reminding myself that fat is not a feeling. I know pretty much for a fact that the thought will come to my mind at least a dozen times. Every time it does I plan on reminding myself that it simply isn’t possible, and instead tuning in to how I really feel. Am I tired? Am I anxious? Maybe I’m just full, and that’s what my brain is translating to “fat.”

This was a bit jumbled and my use of metaphors may have you thinking I’m on drugs, but hear me out:

Fat isn’t a feeling; further,”fat” as an adjective is not inherently good nor bad–neither is skinny. They are simply words used to help our brains paint mental pictures or describe the way something is. Just like blue, funny, slimy, triangular, and thirsty.

Next time you want to say, “I feel so fat today!” remember that it is simply impossible to feel such a thing. Do you feel orange? (Assuming you are not an oompa loompa and/or Snooki) I doubt it.



2 thoughts on “today I feel periwinkle

leave me with your word vomit:

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