monday mornin’ rain is fallin (and it’s been a whole month!??)

IT’S MY MONTHIVERSARY WITH MINNIE MAUD!

Wow. It seems like longer but at the same time it feels like just a couple days ago I was giving my two week update. Time definitely goes faster as I progress.

I usually have appointments on Monday, but it is on Wednesday this week because my doctor is in meetings all day. Since I have established that the number on the scale really isn’t negatively affecting my progress, I decided I would weigh myself just so I can see how much I had gained in the past week.

…Somehow, I lost half a pound. I was like, WHAT?! I know it’s probably because I’m losing a lot of the water that I was holding on to at the beginning because my body is trusting me, so I’m totally not worried since I know I have followed my plan and eaten even more than needed on some days. However, the fact that I’m essentially maintaining on 3000 calories blows my mind. I increased to 3500 yesterday and I’m going to try to hit that again today to see if it makes a difference. Like I’ve said before, I would rather just get the weight gain out of the way as fast as possible. Although, that’s proving to be quite a challenge now that my metabolism has ramped up to pre-Ed speed!

Mentally I cannot believe how far I’ve come in the past month. Seriously. I’ve challenged fear foods, eaten pints on pints of ice cream, and the craziest thing is I eat the same amount in a week now as I did probably in a MONTH before. I eat SO MUCH FOOD NOW! I’m seriously shocked I haven’t already reached my set point yet. Seriously, I’ve been at 89-90 for about 2 weeks now…dang, I really need to increase. I gained that first fifteen pounds so fast and now I’m like a machine just sucking it all up for repair.

Oh well! I suppose it calms me to see how hard it is to gain weight because it reminds me that I’m not going to be obese after this. I never have been a “big” girl and even if I was who cares? I’m still going to be petite even when weight restored because that’s just my genetics and my body. I’m probably going to struggle my whole life with keeping weight on my bones!

Fun fact: Jarrett’s parents were in town this weekend and yesterday as I was drinking an Ensure, his dad (who is a doctor) was like, “oh yeah we give those to old people!” Hahaha, yay.

I still can’t believe it’s been a month! This next month, I’ve set some goals for myself. I want to gain at least five pounds. More is always good, but AT LEAST five because I don’t want to do this slowly and painfully. I also want to continue to challenge Ed rules, fear foods and be flexible. I will ALWAYS hit my minimums and (try to) not feel bad about eating more if I want more. I know this one isn’t really up to me, but I really really want my period back! We’ll see.

I’m not one for taking or posting half-naked photos of myself on the internet but at times like these it’s kind of the only way to show physical progress. That first photo wasn’t quite at my lowest–it was about five pounds above. But it still shows progress and reminds me that I’m doing well even if I feel like a fat piece of poo most days.

IMG_5920

Taken the day after I first hit 3000 calories. Ew, look at my sunken in cheeks. Where did my legs go?! Can someone move that twig–oh wait that’s my arm. Lose your cheese grater? Use my abs! I’m pretty sure leggings aren’t supposed to fit like this. Especially child-size leggings.

IMG_6348

One week in. Still pretty bloated and not much weight gain in my legs/face/anywhere but my tummy.

IMG_6445

Two weeks in! I’m getting a booty. Still bloated/full of water.

IMG_6486

Three weeks! Not so bloated anymore and booty growing still. Veins on my arms gone woo hoo!

IMG_6572

4 weeks in! (This morning.) Booty still growing. Weight gain in legs/midsection. Still twiggy arms.

I feel like a huge dummy taking these pictures, but they truthfully help me so much to see how much my body has changed. I think they are absolutely necessary. I mean, it may not seem crazy looking at them all in a row…but look at that last photo and then go back to the first. Wow. That first photo wasn’t even at my lowest. I can’t even imagine what that transformation would look like. No, I don’t have super gross cut abs anymore but I’m getting a butt and legs. I have life in my eyes and chubbier cheeks and I get to eat all freaking day long. I’m anxious about not exercising but I will come back stronger and better than ever once my body is healed. This is my one-month progress, and I’m proud of myself. I’m thankful to God. And thank you ALLL for supporting me!

{a.m.}

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “monday mornin’ rain is fallin (and it’s been a whole month!??)

  1. Thank YOU for posting this. You have no idea how much you inspire me more and more every day, Annalise. I have been fighting this battle for more than seven years and I am finally feeling my inner strength come back. You have given me so much hope.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so inspiring. I’ve been seriously UNABLE to sleep at night since I’ve been gaining. My body just feels full and like a rock every night…does this happen to you as well or is it just me and my rockishness? lol

    Like

  3. Your progress is amazing, Annie! Truly amazing. Thank you for doing this and inspiring so many and filling so many with joy because of your bravery and commitment. You’re in my prayers and I can’t wait to hear the rest of your story. šŸ™‚

    Like

  4. Your journey through recovery is so incredible. I am so happy for you and how far you are coming. You are such a beautiful STRONG woman šŸ™‚ Keep fighting and keep choosing recovery!

    Like

leave me with your word vomit:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s