thinking out loud #?

It’s Thursday! Time for another Thinking Out Loud with Amanda.

Thinking-Out-Loud-300x97For some ANNOYING reason, the wifi is not working and I have to keep re-connecting to it manually. It lasts for about 8 seconds then goes away, so that’s the current bane of my existence.

This morning I woke up and made my favorite breakfast. (Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, a scoop of Quest Nutrition Vanilla Protein Powder, and a cup of Kind Blueberry Vanilla Granola. Oh, and hot chocolate of course.)

I intended on doing some schoolwork after scrolling through my Bloglovin‘ feed, but this wifi situation is preventing me from doing so. Luckily, I don’t need wifi to write a blog post. 🙂 I guess the universe was telling me I needed to blog this morning.

I slept pretty well last night, despite having to get up and pee three times. That’s been a usual occurrence lately, and I am blaming it on the amount of supplement drinks and food I’m consuming. It’s annoying, but whatever.

For the first time since increasing I woke up and WASN’T BLOATED! Nope. It was nice. Nothing like my old stomach where you could literally count all 8 ab muscles and every rib, but it was flat and not looking like Buddha. I mean, after breakfast was a different story but hey, I’m glad that the consistency of hitting my goal every day is allowing my body to start trusting me and stop holding on to every morsel of food. Yay consistency!

Oh, this is my favorite thing I saw this morning. Look. Laugh. It’s adorable.

I’m still pretty stressed about all I have to do tomorrow. I have a lot of filming to do this weekend and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to set up my packages. It’s my first news package for my school’s news channel and I’m kind of nervous! However, I’m lucky to even be doing it with so many talented people.

I have my three hour class today (yuck) but it’s with my best friends and the teacher is a funny old man so I’m not dreading it.

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Plus, I only have one class today! My schedule for classes is literally perfect this semester. Finally I figured out that me and 8 a.m.s don’t get along at all. Or 9 a.m. Or 10. My earliest class is at 11, and that’s prime brain-functioning time for me.

I have lots of interviews coming up and I’m hoping that one of them works out. I was offered the receptionist position that I applied for, but it was full time 8-5 Monday-Friday…obviously, that wouldn’t really work out being as I’m a full time student. Sigh. Oh well. *Crossing fingers for Nordstrom Rack* *Discounts* *Cute jeans* *Jeans that I will be able to fit into soon*

I’m looking through old photos and I really want my pre-ED body back. *cue reminiscing music*

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Senior year. Happy, healthy, technically underweight. Come on now.

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First and foremost I hate my face here but look I had almost boobs.

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I think this was junior year? I dunno.

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Can we talk about the fact that I had a really big butt my whole entire life? I always was small with a very unproportionate (not a word, I know) butt for my small frame. When I was like 8 years old I couldn’t fit into pants because my butt was so big. I remember in SECOND GRADE this boy named Antonio said “your bottom is really round and big did you know that.” I remember my mom asking me one day in an Old Navy fitting room where I got my booty from because she doesn’t have one and I was basically the only one in my family with one. Hence why I think I’m adopted. Rant over. Stay tuned for my butt’s re-appearance.

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The summer before college. The last annual summer camping trip in Fort Bragg with my dad, best friend, and her dad. Healthy and very happy. The sad thing about this photo is I remember that this trip was a huge trigger for my ED. I remember weighing myself for some reason when I got home (I never weighed myself in high school) and seeing that I was 99 pounds. I remember thinking “what the heck? I didn’t even try to lose weight.” And that was a big trigger for me. Did you know that for someone with the genetic predisposition to an eating disorder that it can only take one small trigger to turn into a full blown disorder? Stupid genetics. 

Every day since I’ve started really recovering I have ended my day with a prayer thanking God for the ability to get through the day and do everything I need to do, and then asking for strength for tomorrow to be able to do the same. In the morning I also ask for strength, and I can’t explain to you properly how doing this has made all the difference in my recovery. Now that I am a couple weeks into this, I can think more clearly and recognize that what I’m doing is right. However, at the beginning I absolutely would not have been able to physically do what I needed to without God. He sat by me every bite of every meal for those first couple of days and I’m grateful for that.

Hmm, what else…this is a Thinking Out Loud post, after all.

I really miss dance. One of the first things I’m doing when weight restored is signing up for a hip hop class. I miss it SO much.

I also truly miss running, and my goal of running a half marathon will be happening. Not until I’m healthy, but it will happen!

I haven’t been incorporating many photos into my posts lately. I guess I’ve been lazy. That’s gonna change. Maybe I’ll go back in and add some. Maybe not. (edit: clearly I did.)

Oh, I ate another pint last night. I pretty much have been doing every other night for the sake of my wallet and my intestines. I had mint chip last night and it was ah-mazing.

I really need to get my nails done. Like, really bad. It’s bad. I keep biting them.

Oscar has been sitting at the foot of the bed staring at me for like 20 minutes. I kid you not. He just stares at me and follows me around. He’s so weird.

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Okay, well I really need to get ready for class and prep my meals and snacks to take with me. Hopefully this wifi situation will be better tonight when I get home! Grr. Happy Thursday!

{a.m.}

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