I met with my nutritionist this morning and was weighed. I was weighed only TWO days ago at my doctor’s appointment.

I have asked them not to mention numbers to me until I have reached the big 100. However, I do want to know if I lost, maintained or gained and need to because my meal plan will adjust based on that information.

Welp, I gained.ย (Since two days ago.) Which means I continue on this meal plan for another week. So long as I keep gaining on this amount, I don’t increase at all. Once I have reached a plateau then I will increase by a couple hundred calories. One part of me wants me to keep gaining on this amount so I don’t have to add MORE food, but another part would be relieved if I stopped because that means I can maintain on a high amount of calories.

Stupid calories. I wish I could just go about my day and eat whatever I want. My mind is much freer, but I can’t trust me hunger cues just yet, and my weight is so dangerously low that I have to be on a strict plan until I have gained a fair amount.

Tonight, for example:ย Jarrett is going out with his friends for dinner and while I actually want to go, I can’t. I have to know how much I am eating and eat at certain times and eat in a certain way. It sucks! Ugh, I just have to keep pushing through and gain weight so I can earn that freedom.

Aside from wanting to journal that, (if you haven’t noticed, I kind of am using this blog as a journal of my recovery experience…I want to look back and see how far I have come) I also wanted a distraction. Here I am with a four day break from school and I yearn for it to be Tuesday so I can go BACK to school…

I need more things to occupy me. I need to go get blood drawn right now, but obviously I’m pushing that off because I hate it. I’m on campus because I had a few things to print and I figured I would blog because I’m Annie.

I have a list of things to do when I’m feeling like I don’t know what to do with myself. An eating disorder is like a best friend, and once you have to get rid of it…to distance yourself from it…it’s like losing a close friend and integral part of your life. I know that sounds awful, but it’s so ridiculously true. I know this is a friendship that was dysfunctional and damaging, but it was a friendship nonetheless.

Anyway, I think I am going to go buy supplies to start an art project. I love art, and that is certainly something I can do to pass the time this weekend. Boyfriend also will probably need help studying, and now I have Oscar to play with! I have options. I just have to look for them. Most of them are stay-at-home-mom activities…but hey ain’t no shame in that one. Stay at home moms are champs.

I have a used desk sitting in boyfriend’s garage that I got off the side of the road so I could re-vamp it, so now may be the time to tackle that one.

I may even open an Etsy store. I’m all over the recovery & health blog-o-sphere so I might as well join in with the crafters as well.

I’m going to hit up my DIY Pinterest board (that I have thousands of things I’ve never even looked at or attempted) and pick a project, go get supplies, go get blood drawn, and get on with my evening of craftin’.

If anyone has any ideas, I would love to hear them. Seriously. Ya girl is desperate. If there’s a project you want done, let me know and I will literally make it and mail it to you. I’m so generous. [Read: bored]

Maybe I’ll convince boyfriend to get pedicures this weekend, too. My feet hurt after all this sitting and eating. Sarcasm.



3 thoughts on “distractions?

  1. Art ideas for you to pass time: paint on canvas (or if you can’t paint write out quotes), or those kits at the art store for knitting, making bowls, beading, or making things with string.
    One question: why is going out to eat a bad thing? Can’t you make sure you’re eating enough cals by looking online or something? Wouldn’t that be an easy way to get in lots of food? I remember a few weeks ago you posted a picture at olive garden I think with your boyfriend where you were able to eat lots of things and pasta/dessert. Plus this way to get some ‘social’ time in so you don’t have to eat alone. (That is the case for me…I try to always get people to go out to eat with me, but have to decline invites to go workout together or do more active things with them ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ) Maybe I’m missing something, that’s why I’m asking. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks Annie!


    1. I painted canvases earlier and I’m gonna probably start knitting haha thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ Yes I can, and I actually have been going out to eat but that was before I got really adamant about hitting 3000 cals. If they were going to a restaurant where the nutrition was published I could have gone, but they just went to a little pub where there was no menu/nutrition online so I stuck with my dinner and pint of B&Js tonight ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah it stinks saying no to fun things like hiking, etc. but it will be worth it ๐Ÿ™‚


  2. I seriously feel you on this. When I am in my ED it takes up all my time and energy so I always feel like I’m doing something or working towards something if that makes sense. When I’m full or satisfied I feel useless and …. almost like I have nothing else to do or work towards because my body is already content.
    I’ve had to take time off from work (quit, really) because of my ED and it’s so f-ing frustrating because I feel like I’m so unproductive and have nothing to do. Let me know if you have any ideas!


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