{ day 9: stretching }

Christmas is in four days! *pause while I do a gangly happy dance*

I can’t wait! Christmas is literally my favorite day of the year. I always find that it goes by TOO fast, so this year I started getting in the spirit (literally) the day after Thanksgiving so that I could draw out the happy Christmas spirit for like, a month. When Christmas is over, I’m pretty sure I’ll feel content with my amount of Christmas celebration. (I’m..I’m a freak.)

Today STRETCHING makes me happy! I was going to say yoga, but that post is for a different day because that’s gonna be a long one.

I love stretching. Since I have danced for my whole life, stretching is something that is about as common as breathing for me.

However, particularly at this time in my life stretching is kind of special.

I’m not supposed to be running or doing anything that could burn calories, or worse, kill me because my heart is so screwed up. As a person who has always been active and doing 5,000 sports and activities–this is very hard for me. I get a lot of anxiety and pent-up energy that can turn into anger and frustration. The whole “staying sedentary” aspect of recovery is almost more challenging than eating a lot. This leads me to believe I may have suffered from AA at some point in the past couple of years.

Anyway–stretching is something I actually CAN do. It feels good–it gets me in touch with my body–it gets me to set flexibility goals and relieve stress or anxiety. I’m not harming myself by over-exercising, but I’m at least getting to do some sort of movement. And I’m grateful for that.

I woke up this morning planning on going to church with my parents, but I had slept in until nine which is when church begins. I was confused as to why they didn’t wake me up to get ready! I wanted to go–but hey, I’m not complainin’ about the extra sleep.

Instead, I made breakfast and then took about 15 minutes to stretch. It would have been longer, but I discovered that Oscar had slipped under the fence connecting the front/backyard and was in my front yard barking at a neighbor dog. LUCKILY he didn’t go in the street or anything, but I had to go grab him {covered in mud} and take him inside to give him a bath.

Anyway, I’m going to go make lunch and then take Oscar on a walk because he’s sprinting around the house, clearly harboring some kind of weird energy that needs to be expended. Then I have some chores and errands to do, and later tonight I’m going to a church Christmas service with my sister and then going to Cal Expo’s light festival thing. Yay Christmas!

I had an awful day yesterday, but so far today I am feeling good and body image isn’t TOTALLY trashed…it’s like, on the floor by the trashcan trying to decide if it wants to jump in. We shall see how today pans out.

Just found this quote and love it:

You may feel like you’re failing at recovery because you’ve been struggling for so long — but you’re not. Recovery isn’t a straight road. It isn’t something that happens over the course of a few days or months, or even a few years. It’s a path lined with ups and downs and road blocks and dead ends. It’s difficult and painful and exhausting.And it takes time. It takes time to unlearn the negative beliefs you’ve internalized. And it takes time to learn how to exist without using the behaviors you’ve depended on your whole life to survive. So if you’re feeling stuck right now, know that this is a part of your process. Know that it’s normal and not anything you need to be ashamed of. The fact that you’re still struggling doesn’t mean you’re going to be battling this forever. It just means that you have some more work to do. And that’s okay. You aren’t broken or hopeless. You’re wounded, but you can heal. You are healing, right now. Trust that you will get to where you need to be when it’s time. You’re doing the best you can to cope and make it through each day, and it’s enough. No matter where you’re at in your recovery, you’re enough.” 
p.s. chai tea lattes are SO GOOD.

{a.m.}

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